Sorry I have been away for this long. Was trying to test out the theory that the universe is indeed mocking me. So a guy on Match decided he liked me. He wrote. I wrote back. We decided to meet at a bar in the Meatpacking district on the coldest day in NYC. Each step I took that day towards the boy, I wanted to record in my mind. I wanted to watch myself react to the boy. Before the hostess and I could figure each other, I saw him walk towards me wide-eyed and dumb-struck. I asked him if he was "Rob" and he nodded, dumbly. I have enough confidence now to know that I was more than what he expected in the best way possible. This added to the trough. And then I realized that he had invited me to a Match stir event (no wonder there were so many people at 8:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night). I thought of turning around and running away. I felt offended. I told him so. He tried to appease me. Finally, we found ourselves in a secluded corner flirting and laughing. Somewhere in the middle of it all he said I was super-hot. And then proceeded to emphasize his mediocre sexuality as if it was only one left in the world for me to engage. I observed myself enjoy the attention while also flirting back as if on cue. But horror of horror, the boy thought he could come home with me right after a not so first date at a community event! How, why? What gall! But somewhere inside I was attracted to the thought that he really, really liked me. The warning bells had began their slow peal however. The next two days he acted like a spoilt child who couldn't get his way. I wanted to put some distance and stick to my 5-date rule. But he acted like he had found the treasure of sierra madre and wasn't going to let go. Damn, I was flattered. Anyone would be. So here I was in the PATH train heading to Grove street (NJ city) with a heavy bag of Indian food (his request or rather demand) on a Tuesday evening (when I have to be at work on Wednesday morning at 6:15 a.m.) showing the boy that I could keep my word and that I did like him. Yes, at the end of the night he kind of got what he wanted all along--access to my pussy. But for all his claims to giving fantastic orals, he wouldn't even go in the vicinity of my very delectable pussy! What is a girl to think! This is not right is what she thinks. Fraud is what comes to mind. No, I wasn't impressed, especially when in my last relationship I was living the pages of Fifty Shades! This was less than mediocre and not a good start. But then he looked so happy and sated after. And what hit me straight through the heart--"Do you even realize how beautiful our kids will be?" I froze. And then exploded internally. A man finally gives me the ultimate compliment, one that makes a woman see her future in a kaleidoscope. And the irony is that the statement comes too late in her life--when she cannot have children. It is no longer a matter of choice. Yes, what he said destroyed me. I spent a lifetime with a man hoping he could show me why we were together and he didn't. I am in bed with a man for two minutes and he is seeing his unborn children in my eyes. Yes, the universe is a sadist. I knew once again this wouldn't work. And there it is again--the truth--I am meant to be alone. The universe has been titillating me for far too long for me to not believe what is true. I am not meant for coupledom in this life. This is slowly settling in like the rock at the bottom of the lake.